Hi everyone! It has been quite a while since my last blog post. To be honest, I had a writer’s block, felt burnt out, and went through some personal hardship and loss; I needed some “me” time. But I am back and I excited to write!
In this blog post I want to talk about women and our needs – not sexual (at least not in this blog) but general needs. I think women can feel like we are falling deeper and deeper because our needs are not being met.
Women seem to be place into two categories – the “needy” and the independent aka “strong” woman. And whatever category a woman lands into either means you have too many needs or no needs at all – there seems to be no middle ground. To be honest I loathe these terms. Women are more than just “needy” or “strong” we are human beings that are diverse and beautiful, and can be strong and needy all at the same time!
But let’s face it, women typically are associated with one or the other in terms of how society describes women. For those that don’t know society has deemed “needy” women as the following:
A needy woman is someone who is:
- Dependent on her partner – typically with a man
- Lots of drama
- Someone who will do anything to please their partner
- Needs to taken care of
- Your worth is dependent on your relationships
- Someone who get jealous easily
- Has not boundaries
- Needs to know your partners every move
- She loses her own identity – herself and adapts to her what her partner wants
- Always available
- Need reassurance all the time
The list goes on and on and on….
Now there is the opposite – the strong independent woman
She is someone who is:
- Is not dependent on anyone
- Fights against expectations
- Bounces back quickly
- Knows who she is – never loose herself
- A go getter
- Follows no one
- Not phased by what others think or say
Pretty much a strong woman is opposite of a needy one.
But something I have noticed as being placed in the “strong” woman category myself, and talking to other “strong” women, is that women who have this labeled placed on them, people tend to forget these women do in fact have needs too. And since they are considered “strong” women, there is this fear of showing those needs to be quickly placed in the “needy” category – we have to suppress those needy qualities for fear of showing our “girly brain.” I have not met a woman “strong” or “needy” that does not have needs.
I want to break this stigma that “strong” women don’t have needs – but instead show that ALL women have needs. And the reality is both women – the “needy” and the “strong” – are most likely that way because of hardship and trauma they had to endure at some point in their life. Or because of cultural and societal standards taught them they had to act that way to please men/partners. This is why I hate the terms “needy” and “strong” because women became that way by conditioning.
Women are subjected to mix-standards all the time. Women need to be independent but also can’t be too independent as a man does not like that. A woman needs to be available for their man all the time, but also needs to give him space. A woman can’t be too ambitious because it might intimidate the man, but women still need to have goals. Women need to be vulnerable to make a man feel like a man, but can’t be too emotional as it will scare a man away. Can you see where I am going with this? Women are told to do one thing, but act another. It is confusing!
*trigger warning – video contains nudity*
For example, I am recently getting to know a guy that I am interested in getting to know more. But as I get to know him more, my “girly brain” the “needy” side of me kicked in, even though society would view me as a “strong” woman. Our conversations have been great, but there is limited validation in terms of my looks or even where I stand with him if he is interested in me too. This makes me go into “girly brain” and question does he even like me? For all I know he could just see me as a new friend. The “needy” side in me begins to creep up and I am scared to show that side of me in fear of being called “needy and jeopardize my “strong” woman title. This is what I mean, regardless if you are “needy” or “strong” ALL women have needs.
Women want to feel love, validated, wanted, valued, cherish, taken care of, etc. All the things we do for men, we want to feel and receive in return. It is not rocket science – all women, and in fact all humans have needs. So, let’s get rid of strong vs. needy and just acknowledge that women have needs. And women, lets stop beating ourselves up for having those needs. You are amazing and we all deserve to have our needs met.
For now, my warriors – be loved, be kind, and know you are loved!
Until next time….
-Alyssa, the salt woman